Sleep Inside of this Machine
by chopinsmuse
Summary: Kurt and Blaine have been raised to donate, nothing more, nothing less. Based on Kazou Ishiguro's Never Let Me Go.
1. Prologue

**Authors Note:** This is the first fic that I've actually had the guts to publish. I blame my best friend for finally pushing me to write this and put it up for the world to see. The idea has been bopping around for a while, so .. Hope you enjoy! oh and ps: this is unbetaed, as I do not have a beta.. if anyone wants to volunteer, I will pay for your services in nutella and pie.

Some basic warnings are: Kurt/Sebastian (though it's not endgame, don't worry!), language, heavy material, implied character death at the end of it all. If you've read Never Let Me Go or seen the movie, you know where this heads. I'm not going to deviate from that, but I won't be writing it in explicit detail of any kind, it will sort of just be, I suppose!

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><p><em>My name is Blaine A.<br>__I am twenty-four years old.  
><em>_I have been a carer for five years.  
><em>_I'm good at my job, my patients generally do better than they're expected to do.  
><em>_They're hardly ever troubled, even when they're about to make a donation.  
><em>_I'm not trying to brag here, but I'm proud of what we do.  
><em>_Both carers and donors have accomplished so much.  
><em>_But in the end, we are machines.  
><em>_And every machine gets worn down._

When human nature falls prey to the sins of the flesh, the body falls with it. Many suffer injuries at the hands of others, injuries they were never meant to have experienced. Many bodies simply give up, the stress of the world too much to handle.

In 1952, a medical breakthrough occurred in rural Ohio. What had once been impossible, was just within grasp, and small boarding schools began to pop up throughout the county. But not all of those are important, only one. McKinley House was a beautiful mansion, filled with rooms upon rooms for all of the children who stayed there.

But McKinley was no ordinary boarding school, that much was certain.

The students had no parents. They had no other memories of anything beyond McKinley. They were trained for one purpose and one purpose only, to donate.

Miss Sylvester ruled the school with an iron fist, barking orders at every turn. Most of the students avoided the unseemly woman as best as they could.

Not everyone at McKinley was quite as unpleasant as Miss Sylvester, though. There was one little boy who had caught Blaine's eye, simply because he always seemed to be eerily silent when they passed each other in the halls.

In a sea of dark red and black sweaters, Kurt stood out to Blaine. He figured, even at age eleven, that it was the grey-green eyes that stared around the room as the other boys goofed off and planned pranks to play on the girls.

Kurt never did those things.

But Kurt had a temper. Blaine had seen it on a few occasions, mostly when the other boys were teasing him. He would scream, he would kick, and Miss Emma would have to pull him away by grasping under his arms.

Something about Kurt's outbursts made Blaine all the more interested in him. He couldn't put a finger on it, but he was so graceful, even when he was struggling.

The day that he first approached Kurt would always stick out in his mind. After Miss Emma had pulled him away from where Dave and a few of his beefy friends had been standing, Kurt wandered out towards the fence, his beaten down black shoe drawing lines in the dirt there. Blaine had approached and asked him what was wrong, and he was rewarded with a sad expression in the other boy's eyes.

"Called me a girl," he had grumbled, staring down at his shoes. Blaine didn't know how to respond to that. He didn't think Kurt was a girl. In fact, Blaine was positive that he was a boy.

"You shouldn't listen to 'em, Dave likes his eggs over-easy, of course he's a little bit misguided."

From then on, Blaine and Kurt had been stuck together like glue. They sat together in classes and during meals, despite the taunting and teasing that the others shouted at them. The pair didn't care what the others thought, they were simply content.

They never noticed the gazes of one Sebastian S.

:::

Before that moment, the two had not, as far as Blaine could remember, spoken more than five words to Sebastian. However, he seemed to want their attention, and their friendship.

Sebastian, Blaine had thought to himself, trying to remember. _Sebastian, Sebastian, Sebastian._

Somehow, a friendship had been built. What was once Blaine and Kurt soon became Blaine and Kurt and Sebastian. None of them were ever seen without one another.

That is, until Sebastian decided to change the rules.

The moment that Blaine saw Sebastian place a small kiss against Kurt's mouth, he could remember feeling something for the first time that he would be feeling for a very _long_time after that.

Jealousy.

It was an ugly word, an ugly emotion, and he didn't even understand how he was feeling that as he watched them. Suddenly, things became Sebastian-and-Kurt, and Blaine. Being a third wheel was hardly something that he enjoyed, but the fact of the matter was, that was how it had to be for the foreseeable future.

Blaine loathed every second of it.


	2. The Cottages: Autumn

**Authors Note:** Basically, I've decided to post a chapter a week, with finals coming up in uni and what not, I think that'll be something I can accomplish without getting too far behind! Anyways, here's the true first part, the next one will be up next Sunday!

Also, to clear up a bit of confusion, Kurt and Blaine are the same age, as is Sebastian, as you'll see in this chapter.

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><p>There was no way to tell how long he'd been asleep. One minute, it felt as though he had been fully awake, and the next, he was waking up with Finn's head on his shoulder.<p>

Needless to say, Blaine wasn't having the best of days.

Worried, tired eyes wandered throughout the car, finally falling on two figures in the back of the fifteen passenger van. The smaller of the pair was curled against the chest of the other, sleeping peacefully.

And _oh_, there was that feeling again.

Just as he was about to turn around and stare with a forlorn expression out the window (just because he was their best friend didn't mean he couldn't be miserable, right?), Will drove the van over a pothole.

"Motherfu-"

"Shh!" Sebastian hissed, and Blaine whipped back around, rubbing the top of his head with an irritated expression on his features. "You'll wake him, you prick."

At this, his mouth dropped open slightly and he nearly had to stop his eyes from narrowing into a glare, before he pushed himself so he was once again facing forward. Blaine's mind sped far ahead of his body, thoughts of what if, why not me, and _dear god why Sebastian_? Somehow, from the time they were kids to the moment they turned seventeen, something had changed.

Maybe he'd never be able to place a finger on it exactly, but moments came into his mind where he thought that maybe he had Kurt figured out. But even though he had grey-green eyes (or rather, _glasz_, as Kurt had told him once that he preferred them to be called) that led straight to his soul, Kurt was a guarded being above anything else.

He had once been so sure he would be the one that was chosen, that Kurt would want to curl against his chest. But Blaine had to wonder if it was ever about being chosen, maybe he simply wasn't in the running. The first kiss between Kurt and Sebastian on that cold, October day had been rather unexpected, but maybe he was just not aware of what was right under his nose – it wouldn't be the first time.

Finn shifted next to him, trying to nuzzle closer, and Blaine scrunched up his nose. Not exactly the person he wanted to cuddle, he wasn't really into snuggling with snoring Saint Bernard's.

"Hey, man, can you just, _ugh_, Finn!" Blaine groaned, pushing at his shoulder in an attempt to get him to get off of his much smaller body, but it was all in vain as Finn's arm flopped out and landed across his legs. He could hear snickering from the back of the van and let out a frustrated breath, leaning his head against the cold glass of the window.

Hearing a soft noise from the back of the van jolted Blaine from his thoughts, and he turned again, effectively causing Finn to fall against Rachel, on his other side. Lithe fingers strained against the cracked leather of the seats, and he craned his neck to stare at Kurt with wide, hazel eyes for a moment.

"Well, good morning, then." Kurt said, leaning around Sebastian to get a good view out the window.

A grey haze covered everything in sight as they rode along, and Blaine had no idea what Kurt was looking for out there, but it didn't matter. Blaine knew the outside world had always intrigued Kurt, even just something so simple as the landscape rolling by.

The smile that tugged at Blaine's lips was hardly something he could control; he leaned forward even further to speak to him and then –

"Morning to you too," a husky voice interrupted him and Blaine promptly shut his mouth, turning around in his seat to stare out the window. Without realizing, his jaw clenched, fingers curling in the seat next to him.

He really needed to get control of himself. Blaine knew that he was supposed to be happy for Kurt. First and foremost, Kurt was his best friend. Whatever it was that he chose, Blaine needed to be happy for him, he needed to support him. He found that task easier said than done, though as he watched them day in and day out.

Hardly the easiest task in the world.

"Blaine, are you okay?" Kurt's soft voice wafted up to him and he turned back towards the pair in the back of the van, eyes wide as he nodded.

How Kurt could always seem to sense when something was wrong in Blaine's world, he would never know. He was intuitive, scarily so on most occasions.

"Yeah, fine, Kurt. Thanks." His voice was forced as he somehow plastered a wide grin onto his lips, trying to focus in on Kurt's face as he could see Sebastian's hand trailing to rest possessively against his hip.

"Okay then." Kurt offered him a grin, one that Blaine gladly filed away. "But, Blaine?"

He hadn't realized it, but he had been staring at Kurt with his mouth slightly hanging open for the past few moments. Shaking his head, he jolted out of it. "Yeah?"

The small grin that tweaked the corners of Kurt's lips made the last few minutes of his heart beating with utter envy worth it.

"Your curls are standing straight up." He pressed his fist to his mouth, letting out a soft laugh as his eyes dropped from the gaze Blaine held with him, to the back of the seat, only to return to Blaine's eyes.

Blaine, however, didn't have quite the same humorous response, and his hand flew up to his mass of dark hair, raking his fingers through it.

"Unfortunately, Kurt, not everyone can have the perfect hair that you've got." Blaine muttered, scrunching up his nose as he continued to stay turned, watching Kurt. Sebastian was nearly invisible to him as he focused in completely on his best friend.

That was short lived as Sebastian cleared his throat, raising his eyebrows at Blaine in a clear _turn around if you know what's good for you_ expression on his rough features.

Blaine did just that.

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><p>The van pulled up in front of a small community, beaten down houses that didn't look comforting in the least bit.<p>

So these were The Cottages.

From the time they were fifteen, everyone at McKinley had been prepared for the time spent in the cottages. Every year, when those at McKinley turned sixteen, van loads of kids were shipped off to The Cottages to finish developing.

It was their turn.

Pulling the door open, Blaine hopped out of the van, stretching his arms over his head as he waited for Kurt and Sebastian to come out as well. He barely registered Finn and Rachel wandering out bleary-eyed, and he definitely didn't notice the small crowd that was watching as the new kids arrived.

Kurt hopped out of the van next, offering Blaine a bright smile as he knocked his shoulder against his.

"We're finally here!" Kurt exclaimed, taking a few steps forward before turning on his heel, a slow circle and he came back to face Blaine.

"Easy," Blaine said, reaching to hold onto the other boy as he steadied himself. He felt Sebastian's presence behind him and immediately shrunk back, offering his friend a shy smile. "Hey, man."

"Hey." Sebastian muttered, offering Kurt his hand, who took it easily and the two began to move forward.

Blaine paused, watching them for a moment, before he too headed towards the group gathering in front of one of the houses. As he approached, he noticed a bubbly blonde girl speaking excitedly to Kurt and Sebastian.

"-the new members of our house! You'll love it here, sometimes we're visited by raccoons." Blaine noticed that Kurt was staring at the girl as though he was completely lost, and he couldn't blame him. One minute into hearing her speak and he felt the same.

"Hi, I'm Brittany, are you a dolphin like them?" The bubbly girl – Brittany, that was her name – turned her attention to Blaine then, and his eyes widened.

"Wait what?"

"A dolphin. A gay shark," Brittany explained earnestly, taking a step closer to where he was standing. Blaine nodded, now that he understood what she meant by dolphin.

"Yeah. Gay, very … very much a dolphin." A side eyed glance to Kurt showed that his best friend was beaming at him, and he felt a swell of accomplishment well up in his throat.

Turning his gaze back to Brittany, he noticed a boy standing next to her, his arm placed firmly on the small of her back. The pair made eye contact, and Blaine offered him a smile.

"Don't mind Britt." He said softly, and Blaine could see his hand moving in small circles on her back. "She's not really sure what she's saying sometimes."

Blaine shrugged, casting a glance to the girl.

"She seems to know more than she's letting on." His voice dropped slightly, taking on a deeper tone, as he pulled the cuffs of his baggy grey sweater over his hands.

The boy standing across him from smiled, and Blaine could see that he agreed.

"The name's Mike."

(_Mike, Mike, Mike_).

"Blaine."

Turning his eyes away from the pair in front of him, his eyes scanned the others scattered about. Another blonde girl held tightly to a darker skinned girl's hand (who really looked like she wanted nothing to do with anyone but said blonde girl), and there was a short boy with a mess of dark hair a few feet away.

Everyone seemed so comfortable; Blaine had to wonder how he would fit in with their routine.

His attention turned to Kurt, and he watched as he continued to speak to the dizzy blonde (_Brittany, Brittany, Brittany_). Even from the angle that Blaine was standing, he could see how Kurt's eyes lit up with a laugh; he felt his heart swell.

"It's not so bad here." He heard Mike's voice again and Blaine started, his head jerking to watch as Mike took his hand away from Brittany, which caused her to pause. The pair made eye contact and Mike offered her a smile before moving closer to Blaine.

He stayed silent, waiting for Mike to continue.

"It's not as bad as it looks. Just have to remind yourself that it's probably better from wherever you came from." Mike explained to him, looking a bit sheepish as he spoke.

Blaine wondered where Brittany and Mike were from, where the others were from. They couldn't be much older than the rest of them, they had to be about sixteen, so they couldn't have been from McKinley.

"Thanks." Blaine said, a smile working its way onto his lips. "It doesn't look bad here at all." His words were honest, and he jammed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Mike nodded his agreement, and Blaine turned to cast another glance to Kurt.

He was met, however, with those glasz eyes straight in front of him and he moved back quickly.

"Hi," Kurt said, his voice soft and a grin pulling the corner of his lips.

"Hey … where's Sebastian?" Blaine asked, a questioning look taking over his features, as he glanced over Kurt's head (or rather, around it), it seemed as though everyone except for the unpleasant brunette girl and the other blonde had gone into the houses in the time that Blaine had been standing there with a dumbstruck look in his eyes.

Which seemed to happen often.

"They all went inside. I wanted to take a look around, though. Would you want to come with me?" Even if he hadn't already been jumping at the opportunity, the wide, bright look in Kurt's eyes would have convinced Blaine.

"Of course I do."

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><p>Running a few feet ahead of his companion, he turned on his heel, wide eyes dancing as he waited for Kurt to gingerly step over the rocks towards him.<p>

"Come on, Kurt!" Blaine exclaimed, letting out a laugh at Kurt's signature bitch-face that he used as a reply.

"If you didn't choose to go off of the path, I'd be moving a lot quicker by now." Blaine couldn't help but grin at the grumble in Kurt's voice, and he held out a hand to help him over the last few rocks.

"Next time. Next time, I promise that we'll stay on the path, okay?" He didn't miss the smile that tugged on the corner of Kurt's lips, and Blaine knew he really didn't mind too much.

Blaine didn't bother to let go of Kurt's hand, he just continued to drag him through the woods, over rocks, tree roots, and small flowers. The musical sound of Kurt's laughter spilled out behind him; that sound made it all worth it.

"Blaine, wait!" Kurt said breathlessly, tripping over his feet and latching onto Blaine's back. "Give me a minute to breathe," the boy mumbled into the neck of Blaine's thick sweater, tossing his arms easily over his shoulders.

"Take all the time you need." Blaine whispered, reaching a hand to stroke softly where Kurt's dark green sweater met skin. He was, apparently, a fan of treading on thin ice.

They stood in a gentle silence for a few moments, Blaine listening to their combined breathing, feeling every inch that his chest moved as Kurt took a breath behind him.

Too soon, the warmth from behind his back was gone, and Kurt was moving in front of him, an excited glint in his eyes.

"My turn, come on!"

Blaine had no choice but to follow as Kurt began to gingerly step his way through the woods, even though he felt as though they were just getting more lost by the second.

"I see how it is, you tell me you want to go exploring, and you lead me on a wild go-" Blaine cut himself off as they came to a stop. There was a small clearing in front of them, masked by a haze of grey. He noted that the sun more than likely wasn't going to come out that day.

"This is why we should always let me lead." Kurt said with a haughty grin, turning to face Blaine for a moment before heading into the clearing. Blaine hesitated for a moment before following him.

The silence was overwhelming, crushing at him from every side; but he didn't feel uncomfortable in it. Not like he did when there were other silences with other people, people who weren't Kurt. It was Kurt who broke the silence.

"Do you ever want to just scream?"

"You used to do that a lot."

Kurt blinked at him, a wide eyed blink, and Blaine bit his lip. Did Kurt even recall that? He had no idea. But it was true, he _did_ used to do that a lot.

"I remember." The voice was quiet, causing Blaine to blink a few times and wonder if he had made it up that Kurt had spoken at all.


	3. The Cottages: Winter i

Hello everyone! Here is the next chapter ... it is unbetaed as I still have not found a beta, so excuse any errors that may have slipped! This chapter's a bit shorter than the rest of them will be - but I blame finals! After Thursday, however, I'm home free!

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><p>As the leaves were coated in a layer of snow on the ground, Blaine and Kurt settled easily into the cottages. It soon became as comfortable as them as McKinley once was, but they both knew that it was only temporary.<p>

What lay beyond the cottages wasn't an idea that either of them thought of often, knowing that eventually they would meet the end by way of donations. They were machines, born and bred to give until they could no longer.

But none of that mattered, not in the cottages. It was a place to get to know fellow students of other schools, a place of limbo.

Mornings passed, and Blaine found himself waking early to have breakfast with the others in his cottage. In the few months since arriving, he had become quick friends with Mike, the quiet boy somehow countering him perfectly. He couldn't help but watch with wide, interested eyes as Mike and Brittany danced around each other – literally and figuratively – in a cadence that Blaine found himself nearly jealous of at times.

If he wasn't such good friends with Mike, he was sure that he would be.

"It's about time, don't you think, Mike?" Blaine looked into the window, catching Brittany's reflection as he poured a glass of juice, before he turned with a confused glance to the pair sitting at the table. Sitting next to Mike was Kurt, curled into the chair, and Blaine couldn't help but be reminded of a cat.

"About that, it was November when we went, wasn't it?" Kurt and Blaine exchanged a confused glance as Blaine headed to the table, sliding Kurt a glass of juice as he sat down.

"I realize that we're new here and everything, but secrets don't make friends." Kurt pointed out, a bit of an irritated expression on his face as he glanced up to meet Brittany's eyes, who simply giggled in response. Blaine reached over, touching his arm gently in a bid to make sure he didn't snap at the girl.

In the years they had been friends, Blaine knew by now the signs that Kurt was getting irritated. Blaine couldn't fully blame him however; he too wanted to know what exactly Mike and Brittany were going on about.

"We want to take you to Westerville!" Brittany stated, a bright look in her eyes. "They have kittens who eat flies there!" Blaine glanced over to Mike, who simply shrugged, unable to decode the girl's strange words.

"Westerville?" Kurt asked slowly, narrowing his eyes slightly at the thought. It was clear that he wasn't sure what it was, and Blaine didn't know exactly either, but he thought that he heard Santana and Quinn, the girls that he had seen on that first day at the cottages, talking about it the other day.

"Yeah, it's a town about two hours from here. They let us take one of the vans if we go for the day." Mike explained a bit more, and it began to make sense to Blaine.

They wanted to go out into the world, a place that he had never been before.

Blaine would be lying if he said he wasn't nervous about the idea of going out, but he knew, too, that it would be something that needed to happen. Eventually, he would have to experience the world as it was meant to be, not how it was conditioned for them.

Casting a glance to Kurt, he could see that his best friend was excited. In fact, Blaine wasn't sure that excited was even the right word, Kurt was downright ecstatic at the idea of going out into the world, that much was obvious from the bright glint in his eyes.

"When can we go?" Kurt questioned, glancing around the room with wide eyes. Blaine sighed softly, knowing it would be a losing battle if he were to try to fight it now. Kurt had made up his mind, and when that occurred, there truly was no arguing with him.

"In a few days, we have to put in a request with our superintendant."

A few days, that was what Blaine had to prepare himself for the idea of going out to the world, to walk amongst people who lived normal lives, who more than likely had no idea what went on behind closed doors.

Blaine however, and the others, knew all too well what they were to do, and what they couldn't do as well. Of course, that played a major role in his hesitation to accept the idea of going to the city, because it would show him exactly what he could not have.

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><p><em>The room fell silent as Miss Emma turned slowly to face them. The children, all no older than thirteen, stared up at her with wide eyes. This angry person was a side they had never seen from Miss Emma before, and none of them understood it in the least.<em>

"_None of you will see the world. None of you will become actors and actresses, none of you will become police or firefighters. None of you will do anything except live the life that has already been planned for you from start to finish. You will become adults, but not for long. Not long after you become adults, you will start to donate your vital organs. And sometime around your third or fourth donation, your life will complete."_

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><p>If there was anything that Blaine would remember all too well from McKinley, it was that day that he learned the truth. As they grew older, they were told it was a heroic deed, if it was even mentioned at all. That they were contributing to society, but in reality, they were simply being used and tossed aside.<p>

Blaine knew he had taken it the hardest of all of them, he had stashed it away in his mind and revisited that day constantly. Kurt, on the other hand, showed no remorse about the fact, as he spoke in excited tones, using his hands to gesture, about what he was most looking forward to in Westerville.

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><p>Blaine woke with a start the day they were to head to Westerville. He had slept later than expected, and quickly tossed on a sweater and pair of jeans, before heading down the stairs to the kitchen.<p>

The sight that greeted him made him nearly flinch, Sebastian bent over Kurt's chair, massaging his back while discussing the outing with Mike and Brittany.

Normally, it wouldn't bother Blaine as much, but Sebastian clearly had no idea what these gestures meant. At McKinley, relationships were not encouraged, and the students had no way to discover what it meant to truly be in one. But since coming to the cottages, Mike and Brittany had been a prime example for Sebastian to follow, as had the few films that they had available to them.

Blaine didn't claim to understand them himself, but he at least wouldn't do them mindlessly, as Sebastian seemed to be doing with Kurt.

Shaking it off, he turned away, headed to the fridge and pulled out an apple, leaning against the counter as he bit into it. He watched with curious eyes as Sebastian fussed over Kurt, and Kurt looked nearly stoic to the contact.

Blaine wished, not for the first time, that he was able to read Kurt's emotions like a book.

Snapping out of his reverie, he glanced over to Sebastian as he came to the sink, washing the dishes slowly. Blaine turned on his heel, so he was facing the same direction as him, the question itching at his mind until he spoke.

"Why do you touch him like that?" Blaine asked, blinking a bit, before slowly turning his gaze to Sebastian, who was still working at the dishes.

"I'm allowed to touch Kurt."

"It's the way you touch him." Blaine started, pursing his lips for a moment. "Everything you do, I've seen it in those movies we watch." He kept his eyes on Sebastian, who opened his mouth and promptly shut it again. "It's true, Sebastian."

With that, he took a few steps away from Sebastian, nodding to Kurt with a gentle smile as he headed outside to wait.


End file.
